Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Let's Hear It For The Boy!

 (Explicit) I'm really young. Some people still call me "kid", "bud" or even "boy". I just graduated from High School in May of '08 and in just over half a year I will only be 20. I still live at home with my parents (although I'm not financially dependent on them). I make paper chains to count day the days to events I'm really excited about. I still go to the zoo at least twice a year to look at the cute animals. I ask for stickers at my doctor's office for being a brave boy and getting my shots with out crying.
Sometimes youth isn't enough.

I had my first sexual experience when I was only 17. I didn't feel young then. Skinny dipping lead to watching porn and jerking off in front of each other. We promised each other that we were straight, but we both were staring right at each other, rather than the girls on the computer screen. Within the next few weeks we went from watching each other, to touching each other. Then sucking. Then fucking. 
You can't get your virginity back.

I'm not sure whether I would change things or not if I could. There are a lot of pros and cons to both sides. I wish that I could be a novice along with my husband on our wedding night, and go thru all the nervous, experimental, how-the-hell-do-they-make-this-look-so-easy-in-porn, stages of intimacy. 
I have had sex since then, and I'm not really sure what my stance on abstinence is right now. I mostly feel like I've failed thus far, why change now. I've had boyfriends that didn't want to have sex and I was fine with that too (sometimes even glad they wanted to wait too). I can survive with out it, I just don't enjoy having to.

Escrito del corazón por Austin at 11:13 PM

6 comments:

  1. AusmoMarch 4, 2009 at 4:23 AM

    You may be young, but from reading your blog you are a mature and smart guy.

    We all do varying things when we are young, i know i did. I spent a few years wondering if i made some of the biggest mistakes of my life one minute, to happiness the next.

    I hope in a couple of years you will look back on your past experiences and have no regrets. I know i don't. I question it sometimes but i know i have learnt from everything i have done in my life the good, bad and other, and it has all made me who i am today.

    I commend you on your bravery too, coming out to your parents i can only imagine was one of the most scary things to do, I'm always amazed at reading how so many in this blogosphere have done this at a young age. It shows amazing maturity and overall togetherness I think. Well done.

    Good luck mate, I truly hoe you find the answers you are after.

    ReplyDelete
  2. EzraMarch 4, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    Well, I found that one of my gay mormon friends had had sex at 16... which blew me away. I'm still a virgin, and struggling with how and where to place sexual intimacy in my life. It's really confusing.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 4, 2009 at 12:22 PM

    I like your blog. We should be friends. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  4. KurtMarch 4, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    Chances are that your husband wont be a novice either. People have sex, gay men have even more sex. Everyone is a slut. We all get curious, it happens. I am glad that you are brave enough to admit that.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Saint JobMarch 4, 2009 at 10:12 PM

    of course Captain Midnight likes your blog. haha! ;P

    anyways, on your wedding night i'm pretty sure you'll still get nervous and excited 'cause it'll be with someone you love greatly.

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  6. AustinMarch 4, 2009 at 11:08 PM

    Thank you guys. I stress over little things like these. Things that are pointless to worry about because its not like I can change it. Oh and Captain, of course we can be friends!

    ReplyDelete

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