Things I like about myself....
- I am lean
- I'm just the right height
- I understand how basic fashion works
- When I apply myself, I really am quite smart
- I enjoy learning
- I'm pretty well rounded culturally (entertainment, food, social circles)
- I make friends easily
- I'm fairly strong
- I try to sympathize/empathize with others
- I can go after what I want/ I'm not a push over
- I'm not a flamer or a super fem
- I'm an independent thinker
- I will humbly except advice from others when feel it is requisite to do so
- I'm a good kisser
- I understand women better than most women
- I will support my friends in public, even when they are wrong
That's all I got.
I'm not sure if today could have been worse.
Letter from a sister. Letter from director of JiM.
Never really considered suicide till today...
I'm not sure if today could have been worse.
Letter from a sister. Letter from director of JiM.
Never really considered suicide till today...
OK Austin, this is Alan your therapist. I like the list. You have a lot of good stuff there. It would be a shame to damage such well-balanced package of characteristics with something as permanent as suicide, don't you think? I mean, if you understand women better than most women, that's a potential career right there. Do you realize what most men would pay for your book about that? Think long and carefully about the potential gold mine there before you consider anything drastic.
ReplyDeleteNow, seriously, this is the second time in as many days that a blog friend of mine has said something about suicide. I hope you have pulled out of that, Austin, but if you haven't, don't go there. It solves nothing, it only causes more problems. And remember, I have family where you live and we visit there sometimes, and if I hear of you thinking this way again I'm gonna come over there and whup your arse. So shape up.
OK, back to slightly more seriously. i see a lot of my friends up there on your list of followers, and can tell you there isn't a better group of guys anywhere. The fact that they would follow your blog should tell you they care about you, as do I. And if you seriously are feeling despondent and suicidal, reach out. Any one of a number of us would drop everything to help you out, I'm sure. That includes me. So e-mail or ping me for a chat if you need to talk about this letter from your sister or the JiM director. Actually I'm kinda curious about those.
Your homework for next time is to make another list. I'm sure there's lots more you could add. I'll give you two days. Don't believe me? Just watch.
I agree with Alan (what else is new)
ReplyDeleteYou've got a great support system--you've got no excuse for not using it!
A month after I came out of the closet, a gay aquaintence of mine took his life and devastated my new circle of gay friends. Several of those who knew him the best became suicidal and one of my best friends was dangerously close to the edge.
ReplyDeletePlease don't even consider suicide for a moment because it will wreak devastation on so many other lives. Your life is worth more than that, and so are the lives of the others in our gay Mormon community. Things will improve, I promise.
I am so very disappointed to hear the last statement. I have been following your blog for a while and I firmly believe that you are obviously a kind-hearted and compassionate person. The maturity and qualities you obviously possess are such a rare find in the world, today.
ReplyDeleteI think people don't really understand suicide, but I won't get into that. Just know that it is never an answer, it is a way out (and never a good one, especially for the many that so obviously care about you).
What happened to the confident kid that showed such light in previous posts? Even in the darkest moments, when happiness seems impossible, you have to look into yourself for that glimmer of light that you possess. If you can't find it, look around. There are undoubtedly many people holding candles for you.
Sometimes the pain may be unbearable, but just trust that you will get through it and God will see to it. Suicide is a painful problem and a poisonous thought. Breathe, and don't be afraid to give your weight to others. I know you would do the same for them.
Even though it is sometimes hard, believe that you can get through it and there is a reason, even if it is a challenge. Whatever you do, please don't ever think that suicide will provide an answer or an end to the hurt. It can only create a ripple of devastation to those you care about. You are too good for that.
As a final note, after observing your blog, here are some things you might want to consider adding to your list:
-You are far more mature than most your age
-You're ability to see through people's inadequacies and love others, regardless
-You are not just a pretty face
Hang in there. I have a feeling you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.