"I am not one of those stupid kids who decide that since he is gay every aspect of the religion and its morals are flawed. I am not the kid who attempts to get back at the church by breaking of the morals it preaches."
My first thought was, "Well hell, I'm not that kid either!" But before I could even finish that thought I realized, I was.
It wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't decide that "every aspect of the religion and its morals are flawed", but I was frustrated with the church.
Never did I assume that I could "get back at" the church.
Never did I want to hurt the church.
Never was I angry with God.
However, subconsciously I think I did feel this way:
The Church couldn't give me what I wanted, so I chose to not give them what they wanted of me.
How childish is that?
Super childish.
Never did I want to hurt the church.
Never was I angry with God.
However, subconsciously I think I did feel this way:
The Church couldn't give me what I wanted, so I chose to not give them what they wanted of me.
How childish is that?
Super childish.
I realize that now. Heavy drinking and random sex are not going frustrate the church. In fact, doing those things just perpetuates the gay-stereotype.
About six weeks ago I got my eyes opened. I decided to change. I reassessed.
I don't ever want to drink again. Well, a part of me does, but the rational, in control part of me says no more.
I'm done with random hook ups too. I want commitment and real emotions involved; not a horny expression.
Yes, me and The Church disagree on some things, but the fact of the matter is that my beliefs still come from the gospel of Christ that I learned about in that church. Its not about me giving the church what they want or not. Its about doing what I feel is right and maintaining a relationship with God and my Savior.
About six weeks ago I got my eyes opened. I decided to change. I reassessed.
I don't ever want to drink again. Well, a part of me does, but the rational, in control part of me says no more.
I'm done with random hook ups too. I want commitment and real emotions involved; not a horny expression.
Yes, me and The Church disagree on some things, but the fact of the matter is that my beliefs still come from the gospel of Christ that I learned about in that church. Its not about me giving the church what they want or not. Its about doing what I feel is right and maintaining a relationship with God and my Savior.
Sometimes God permits us to wander from the path because we need to see the folly of for ourselves. To exercise a tired metaphor--it's like a kid with a hot stove. You can warn the child over and over again, but most kids just have to learn the hard way.
ReplyDeleteOf course, random hookups can feel really good, so I'm not sure how this analogy works. :)
Seriously, maybe you did become that person--but at least you're making your own decisions and realizing the motives behind your actions and working to become someone you're pleased with.
God knows we are going to do things that don't make sense, and like the loving parent that he is, he is always waiting for us with arms outstretched.
You're a good man, Charlie Brown, remember that.
PS. If this comment doesn't make sense, you'll have to forgive me, I'm unaccustomed to blogging at 1am!
I'm proud of you Austin. This post shows increased maturity and wisdom. Good for you.
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