The Answers - Part 2

Continued...

Q: I was wondering if you've ever had a patriarchal blessing? If so, what were your feelings about it? Did you know you were gay when you received it? Did it have a significant impact on your feelings toward the Church?
A: I do have a patriarchal blessing. I got it the February after my first boy and I broke up. My dad was my bishop and so, out of fear, I decided to repent on my own. I developed a really good relationship with my Heavenly Father during that time, but I still was so confused about so many things. I felt like if I ever needed guidance, it was then. Did I lie to get my recommend? Yes. Did I feel worthy? Not really. I felt like God had answers for me, and so with his approval burning in my chest, I set up the appointment.
I got many answers to many of the questions that I had. There was nothing in there to address the issue of my sexuality. I dissected it to see if there was any little clause that had a hidden meeting. Nothing. Due to the sacredness of that document, I won't get too detailed.
The Church says that I should stay celibate and if that was God's will, then why wasn't that put in my blessing?
The lesson I learned from getting that blessing is that God is in charge, but the people who interpret his will are only men. Men frequently misinterpret and can only reveal what they are prepared to reveal. Their life experiences, and personal beliefs inhibit them all the the time.
I hope that made sense.

Q: What aspect of being gay do you find the most challenging and how do you deal with it?
A: **EXPLICIT** When you say the word 'gay' there is an image that comes to mind. For me, it's a black and white scene of two men holding hands and walking on the beach. Unfortunately this is not the same vision that most people in this world see. More than likely they imagine a flamer in a mesh top, leather pants, and singing Cher songs at the top of his lungs while getting fucked in the ass.
So what is the biggest challenge for me? When I tell people that I'm gay, I feel like I have to convince them that their image isn't accurate. I'm still the person I've always been.

Q: I was curious as to how your family has responded to 1) your being gay and 2) your relationship (not their opinion about Todd specifically, but rather the fact that you're in a serious gay relationship).
1) Wow! That's a loaded question. My blog tracks a lot of their reactions to my homosexuality. They would like to think that they haven't treated me any different than before I came out. Unfortunately, they have.
My sisters are so worried that they might do anything to "further my gayness" (i.e. they don't encourage anything that might be perceived as effeminate).
When I was in change therapy my brother was my best friend. We did everything together. His home was my second home. Do you know how long its been since he invited me to do anything with him outside of work? Give you a hint: it corresponds with the time I came out.
My mother still struggles... but I know that she loves me still... she's really trying to work this all out.
My hero has been my father. He wants me to be happy. He may not agree with my choice to come out, but he loves me forever. If anything, our relationship has become even more solid than before.
2) It's been difficult to show them that IT IS a SERIOUS relationship. Todd comes to family dinner with me every week and I think they've started to realize that he's not going away. A few weeks ago he told me that he doesn't feel like a visitor anymore, but rather another member of the clan. They have treated him kindly from the first time they met him. I am still worried about how they will respond when my relationship becomes more serious.

Q: What's the biggest challenge to keeping your relationship fresh with Todd and how do you manage it?
A: Well, Todd and I have been together for less than a year, so luckily there hasn't been too much need to freshen up our relationship. As true, cheesy romantics we know how to woo each other. Taking the initiative to make special plans (simple or extravagant) for the other person, has proven to be a good way to show how we feel about the other.
I'm sure the day will come that we will be in need of freshening up, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to offer them.

Q: How did you and Todd meet?
A: Long story... So I'll summarize it.
Todd and I are the only people in AZ that Mark knows, so he set us up. We became Facebook Friends and got to talking a lot. Finally I got him to ask me on a date, but it was going to be two weeks before we had time to get together. So we continued to talk for another week.
The Sunday before our scheduled date I got brave and told him that I'd rather not wait another 6 days to see him. He told me he felt the same.
So I made the hour long drive to his place, and brought him my special homemade cheesecake. We watched Arrested Development. He swears it was only the cheesecake that won him over. I like to think I had SOMETHING to do with it though.
By the time our scheduled first date rolled around, we had been on six other dates.
The rest is history.

Q: I want to know about you and Todd. I want to know how you make your relationship work and what makes it hard and what makes it great.
A: Hahaha, how does any relationship work? I think the first thing that we had to do was realize that "Love" is work. "Bliss" is a feeling and an emotion. However, the real love is seen when we are willing to put the other person's needs at the top of our priority list. The second thing is to keep communicating and discussing our feelings, thoughts, and concerns.
What makes it hard? .... Politics. :) We don't have all the same beliefs or ideals...
But what makes it great? ... The fact that we can work through those things. We can stay open-minded and respect our differences. We focus on the big things and can move past and grow from the little things.

Thanks everyone for your comments. It means a lot to know that ANYONE is reading this blog. I had fun answering them all!