I have five posts ready to go up... yuck. See, I go days without anything to blog about... AND then! a magical day comes along and brings material for FIVE posts.
So I'm consolidating.
Warning: It's still super long.
So I'm consolidating.
Warning: It's still super long.
Killjoy:
A few weeks ago I talked Todd into going to Forbidden, the gay club. My excitement level was much more than his. It had been months since I'd been, and I was ready to dance.
**Side Note** I hate... sorry... HATE... driving. I fall asleep at the wheel more than I'd like to admit, and it only gets worse for me at night. Todd likes to drive, so I let him!
Since Todd was going to drive, he wouldn't be able to drink. So I didn't drink either.
The fun of going to a gay club is to be crazy, dance and be uninhibited. Therefore the level of fun at Forbidden is maximized by 100% times the ounces of alcohol consumed.
We arrived just after midnight, so there was a healthy amount of people. We ran into four of my friends. We danced for 3 songs. Todd is a great dancer. I was totally inhibited. I felt trashy/dirty being there. I was ready to go.
So we ended up leaving about twenty minutes after getting there.
We ended up going to McDonald's and getting Apple Pies and going home early to watch a movie...
This was one of the most fun ideas we ever had.
Am I getting too old to enjoy the social scene at 19? Am I already losing touch?
Sunday Sacrifice:
So this past Sunday was Fathers' Day. I realized this the Wednesday before. I had totally forgotten. So I called my dad to subtly find out what he wanted. He said, "Well it would be really nice to see you guys at church."
It has been about two months since I've been to church. I used to be so good about it, but then I realized that there are other things a boy can do on Sunday besides sit in a pew.
Lately I had been talking about going again, so it was a good excuse for me to actually do it.
I was worried about two things
1- How Todd would take this Father's Day gift suggestion.
2- How my mom would react if her gay son showed up and church with his boyfriend.
So point #1. I've always told Todd that I would never pressure him to go to Church. If I got back in the habit then he would be more than welcome to come with me, but I would never ask him to come. I just have this weird thing about pushing my beliefs on other people.
So I got home one day and Todd asked me what we were going to give my dad for Father's Day. I told him what dad had asked for. He just smiled and said he could do that. (I love this boy!) Then Todd brought up Point #2.
Point #2. My mother is supper embarrassed that anyone would find out that her son is gay. This fact makes my stomach roll. I'm upset that she's embarrassed her son is different, but not hurting anyone. I'm sad that I've made my mother embarrassed. I'm flippant and I'm spreading the news that I'm gay anyway.
So I'm sure that everyone in my parents ward knows that I'm gay (Facebook works better than a press conference), but they don't discuss it with my parents. So my mother lives in the illusion everyone in the ward is oblivious.
So when my dad said, "it would be really nice to see you guys at church," I wondered if he had thought this through.
Regardless, we went to church.
With in the first 10 minutes of the 45 minute drive (My parents live in the boonies) two big rocks shattered my windshield on the freeway. Great. One more thing to fix. But we were stalwart and kept going.
We got there during the opening song. We peeked our heads into the chapel and my dad (the bishop) saw us right away and had the biggest smile I've ever seen! He looked like my nephews do on Christmas morning. Then I saw where my mom and sister's family were sitting and we took a seat on their bench. During the opening prayer I kept my eyes open (yeah I know, I'm going to hell) and saw the tears pouring down my mother's face, and the endless smile on my father's.
I was worried that my mother's tears were coming from her embarrassment or worry of what others would think. Or worse, out of anger at me for coming with Todd.
The tears did not end until half way through the first speaker's talk. Then she was all smiles and giggles. After sacrament she thanked me for coming and she was cordial with Todd.
Dad gave me a big hug and told me how much he loves me and how excited he was to see me. I'm always impressed with the way that he treats Todd. He stepped out of the room, into the foyer to find Todd, shake his hand and shoot the breeze.
In the car we agreed that church had actually been enjoyable, and if nothing else, it was totally worth it just to see my dad's smile.
Linger Longer: Gay Style:
After church on Sunday, and the mandatory-Sunday-afternoon-nap, Todd had to go to work.
One of his side jobs is accompanying an LGBT choir in the valley. They had a performance at Icepics, a gay bar, for Show Tunes Sunday (it is the bar's busiest night).
The choir did a good job.
Todd played beautifully.
Todd and I got hit on by a few older gays.
I got free Jell-o Shots.
I got to hang out with some awesome people.
So the point is, maybe I'm not losing touch. Maybe I'm not getting too old for social things. I liked this after church activity. So what is the difference between my Icepics and Forbidden experiences? Well I did have alcohol at Icepics which I'm sure did play a role, but there were other factors. I didn't have to deal with guys trying to grope me on the dance floor. There were no nearly-naked boys running around. There were so stripper poles. The music was not blowing out my ear drums....
Ok so maybe I am old, but I think this may be what it feels like to settle down.
My Place's Plague:
As I mentioned here I am living with KC in a place of our own. Everything has been going great. We get along so well. It has really become a place worth living in.
Until the bugs.
When we first moved in we noticed that there were a few little move in bugs. Nothing big, just a few small bugs here and there. We let the complex people know and they promised to spray the apartment.
The day after they sprayed, we kept seeing bugs. So we took matters into our own hands. We noticed a gap between the threshold and the bottom of our front door, so we got a spacer to attach to the door and fill the gap. We put roach hotels with poison in them all over the house. We even got these little sonic sound things that you plug in the wall to repel bugs.
It seemed to be working! Success! No bugs for a few days or so.
But then Sunday came, and I got the call.
KC: Austin!
I can tell she's been crying
Me: Yes?
KC: We kind of have a problem...
Me: uh-oh... Did I leave the stove on and burn our apartment down? Did I leave the shower on and flood the place?
KC: No. I wish
Why would she want to ruin our beautiful place!?!? I just stay silent because I'm caught off guard.
KC: I went to get into bed and they were there.
Me: KC I don't understand you. What did you see?
I'm thinking at this point... "Holy shit-balls, my room mate just got raped and is barely hanging on to life!"
KC: Bed Bugs.
Cue jaw drop.
Me: .... Holy shit-balls.
We have bed bugs. I'm so disgruntle. The pest control came and inspected and told us that this is a pre-existing problem with the apartment and KC nor I brought them in.
We are getting a third-party mediator involved to help us break our lease 11 months early. We also Are fighting to get out rent money and deposit back. KC thinks that we can even try to get a stipend for new mattresses.
I'm not holding my breath. I just want to get out of there. KC is already apartment shopping again.
So where do I go?
KC says that I can move into the new apartment (where ever that will be) and she won't raise rent on me since it was already negotiated.
But then again there is always moving into my Home...
Just A Comment...:
Here is my selfish post.
I know that there are people reading this blog. I can see that there are.
I write this blog for myself to get my thoughts written out. Its my journal of sorts.
I have gotten a ton of e-mails lately, which I do my best to reply quickly to.
I do have to admit that my favorite part is when people give feed back. Knowing that other people care about what I have to say means a LOT to me.
So if you have a blog, or not; if you follow my blog, or not; if I know you or not... Please Leave A Comment.
Hahaha, and I mean comment on other posts. Ones that I've already put up or ones to come. I'm not trying to get 2000 comments on just this one post. :)
I love you guys, my loyal readers. You make me feel a little bit less self-conscious and a lot more confidant. Thank you for that.
A few weeks ago I talked Todd into going to Forbidden, the gay club. My excitement level was much more than his. It had been months since I'd been, and I was ready to dance.
**Side Note** I hate... sorry... HATE... driving. I fall asleep at the wheel more than I'd like to admit, and it only gets worse for me at night. Todd likes to drive, so I let him!
Since Todd was going to drive, he wouldn't be able to drink. So I didn't drink either.
The fun of going to a gay club is to be crazy, dance and be uninhibited. Therefore the level of fun at Forbidden is maximized by 100% times the ounces of alcohol consumed.
We arrived just after midnight, so there was a healthy amount of people. We ran into four of my friends. We danced for 3 songs. Todd is a great dancer. I was totally inhibited. I felt trashy/dirty being there. I was ready to go.
So we ended up leaving about twenty minutes after getting there.
We ended up going to McDonald's and getting Apple Pies and going home early to watch a movie...
This was one of the most fun ideas we ever had.
Am I getting too old to enjoy the social scene at 19? Am I already losing touch?
Sunday Sacrifice:
So this past Sunday was Fathers' Day. I realized this the Wednesday before. I had totally forgotten. So I called my dad to subtly find out what he wanted. He said, "Well it would be really nice to see you guys at church."
It has been about two months since I've been to church. I used to be so good about it, but then I realized that there are other things a boy can do on Sunday besides sit in a pew.
Lately I had been talking about going again, so it was a good excuse for me to actually do it.
I was worried about two things
1- How Todd would take this Father's Day gift suggestion.
2- How my mom would react if her gay son showed up and church with his boyfriend.
So point #1. I've always told Todd that I would never pressure him to go to Church. If I got back in the habit then he would be more than welcome to come with me, but I would never ask him to come. I just have this weird thing about pushing my beliefs on other people.
So I got home one day and Todd asked me what we were going to give my dad for Father's Day. I told him what dad had asked for. He just smiled and said he could do that. (I love this boy!) Then Todd brought up Point #2.
Point #2. My mother is supper embarrassed that anyone would find out that her son is gay. This fact makes my stomach roll. I'm upset that she's embarrassed her son is different, but not hurting anyone. I'm sad that I've made my mother embarrassed. I'm flippant and I'm spreading the news that I'm gay anyway.
So I'm sure that everyone in my parents ward knows that I'm gay (Facebook works better than a press conference), but they don't discuss it with my parents. So my mother lives in the illusion everyone in the ward is oblivious.
So when my dad said, "it would be really nice to see you guys at church," I wondered if he had thought this through.
Regardless, we went to church.
With in the first 10 minutes of the 45 minute drive (My parents live in the boonies) two big rocks shattered my windshield on the freeway. Great. One more thing to fix. But we were stalwart and kept going.
We got there during the opening song. We peeked our heads into the chapel and my dad (the bishop) saw us right away and had the biggest smile I've ever seen! He looked like my nephews do on Christmas morning. Then I saw where my mom and sister's family were sitting and we took a seat on their bench. During the opening prayer I kept my eyes open (yeah I know, I'm going to hell) and saw the tears pouring down my mother's face, and the endless smile on my father's.
I was worried that my mother's tears were coming from her embarrassment or worry of what others would think. Or worse, out of anger at me for coming with Todd.
The tears did not end until half way through the first speaker's talk. Then she was all smiles and giggles. After sacrament she thanked me for coming and she was cordial with Todd.
Dad gave me a big hug and told me how much he loves me and how excited he was to see me. I'm always impressed with the way that he treats Todd. He stepped out of the room, into the foyer to find Todd, shake his hand and shoot the breeze.
In the car we agreed that church had actually been enjoyable, and if nothing else, it was totally worth it just to see my dad's smile.
Linger Longer: Gay Style:
After church on Sunday, and the mandatory-Sunday-afternoon-nap, Todd had to go to work.
One of his side jobs is accompanying an LGBT choir in the valley. They had a performance at Icepics, a gay bar, for Show Tunes Sunday (it is the bar's busiest night).
The choir did a good job.
Todd played beautifully.
Todd and I got hit on by a few older gays.
I got free Jell-o Shots.
I got to hang out with some awesome people.
So the point is, maybe I'm not losing touch. Maybe I'm not getting too old for social things. I liked this after church activity. So what is the difference between my Icepics and Forbidden experiences? Well I did have alcohol at Icepics which I'm sure did play a role, but there were other factors. I didn't have to deal with guys trying to grope me on the dance floor. There were no nearly-naked boys running around. There were so stripper poles. The music was not blowing out my ear drums....
Ok so maybe I am old, but I think this may be what it feels like to settle down.
My Place's Plague:
As I mentioned here I am living with KC in a place of our own. Everything has been going great. We get along so well. It has really become a place worth living in.
Until the bugs.
When we first moved in we noticed that there were a few little move in bugs. Nothing big, just a few small bugs here and there. We let the complex people know and they promised to spray the apartment.
The day after they sprayed, we kept seeing bugs. So we took matters into our own hands. We noticed a gap between the threshold and the bottom of our front door, so we got a spacer to attach to the door and fill the gap. We put roach hotels with poison in them all over the house. We even got these little sonic sound things that you plug in the wall to repel bugs.
It seemed to be working! Success! No bugs for a few days or so.
But then Sunday came, and I got the call.
KC: Austin!
I can tell she's been crying
Me: Yes?
KC: We kind of have a problem...
Me: uh-oh... Did I leave the stove on and burn our apartment down? Did I leave the shower on and flood the place?
KC: No. I wish
Why would she want to ruin our beautiful place!?!? I just stay silent because I'm caught off guard.
KC: I went to get into bed and they were there.
Me: KC I don't understand you. What did you see?
I'm thinking at this point... "Holy shit-balls, my room mate just got raped and is barely hanging on to life!"
KC: Bed Bugs.
Cue jaw drop.
Me: .... Holy shit-balls.
We have bed bugs. I'm so disgruntle. The pest control came and inspected and told us that this is a pre-existing problem with the apartment and KC nor I brought them in.
We are getting a third-party mediator involved to help us break our lease 11 months early. We also Are fighting to get out rent money and deposit back. KC thinks that we can even try to get a stipend for new mattresses.
I'm not holding my breath. I just want to get out of there. KC is already apartment shopping again.So where do I go?
KC says that I can move into the new apartment (where ever that will be) and she won't raise rent on me since it was already negotiated.
But then again there is always moving into my Home...
Just A Comment...:
Here is my selfish post.
I know that there are people reading this blog. I can see that there are.
I write this blog for myself to get my thoughts written out. Its my journal of sorts.
I have gotten a ton of e-mails lately, which I do my best to reply quickly to.
I do have to admit that my favorite part is when people give feed back. Knowing that other people care about what I have to say means a LOT to me.
So if you have a blog, or not; if you follow my blog, or not; if I know you or not... Please Leave A Comment.
Hahaha, and I mean comment on other posts. Ones that I've already put up or ones to come. I'm not trying to get 2000 comments on just this one post. :)
I love you guys, my loyal readers. You make me feel a little bit less self-conscious and a lot more confidant. Thank you for that.
Commenting. Yay, I'm commenting!
ReplyDeleteThanks TODD! :D Butt-Face
ReplyDeleteThat's great news about your Dad. He sounds like a top bloke.
ReplyDeleteWell I hate to break this to you Austin but you are showing signs of maturity and growing up. First clue was when you bailed on Forbidden in favor of actually enjoying apple pies and a movie night at home. You didn't stay at the club because you thought that's what you had to do to "fit in" or "qualify." You went with your heart. A wise and mature choice.
ReplyDeleteGood on ya too for going to church and making your parents happy. That's called selflessness and you did it well. Keep it up.
You're not going to get much more than mockery about being "old" at age 19 I'm afraid, so better button it on that one. But the Icepics thing confirms that you are getting past the stage of being satisfied with the noise and superficiality, and looking for substance instead. That's what grownups do.
Hey, I found your blog through a friend of mine. I went back and read all your other posts, lol, lame I know, but I needed context to everything you right about now!
ReplyDeleteAustin is awesome. That is all.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear every thing is going great :-) If your old at 19 i hate to think what i am at nearly 26!
ReplyDeleteKeep it up you too seem great together glad you found the happiness you deserve mate!
I've told you before that your blog is one of my favorites (I'd say favorite but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... jk), and this blog post confirmed why. I find it so easy to relate to you. I'm so happy for you and your bf. I love the photos of you guys on facebook because you look so good together. It makes me jealous that I'm not out on facebook and can't post photos of me with my bf.
ReplyDeleteI am also an old man when it comes to the club. The only part about going to the club I enjoy is going to Village Inn afterwards. Both me and my bf have more fun when we just stay home these days. Haha.
I've taken my bf to my parents' ward a few times. My dad is the bishop too. I'm kind of jealous of your dad's response, I have to admit. I hope that after I come out officially to my brother and sisters that the whole family can be more accepting like that too. I think my mom sounds like yours a little though. She gets mad at me if do anything "too gay" on facebook because she's worried the ward will find out. Good times.
you're most certainly welcome :)
ReplyDeleteAustin,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that once I found out you were (finally) out, I just had to add you on facebook and of course do the obligatory facebook stalking which led me here. I have to say I am very impressed with all that you have overcome and am glad that it is all working out for you.
A few comments on some things.
About the feeling old for not wanting to be in the clubs. I've been in my relationship for over 2 years, pretty much as soon as our relationship started we stopped going out to clubs, find a nice, laid back bar and you'll find it's much more comfortable for a gay couple. As sad as it is, a lot of single gay guys don't feel that comfortable around couples, whether it's because we have something they want or because it's just that in the "scene" it's weird to see a young gay couple committed to each other and only each other.
And about your dad, that's great! I've realized since I moved away that my dad is also an awesome guy, I hated him in high school but now he's basically the person I respect most in the world. I was pleasantly surprised when he, who signed an anti-gay marriage petition in front of me shortly after me coming out was extremely nice to my boyfriend and even seems to like him as much (if not more) than he likes me. Trust me, your family will eventually start coming around more and will continue to surprise you.
Sorry I'm so long-winded! Hope you're still doing well.