Come Out!

I did it. I came out to my parents tonight. Sorta.

I should explain. My family already knew I was gay, they just didn't know that I plan on staying gay. They had really high hopes that I would get "fixed" and move on with life. They're acceptance of me was actually of the person they hoped I would be one day. All I needed was to know that they still love and accept me as I am (and forever will be), a gay mormon, a queer son, a faggot brother. 

I had planed on having this talk with them in about a month, when I get back from my trip to Washington, but things played out differently. My parents were getting ready to go on a date, and I felt an overwhelming push from the spirit to have this talk with my mom then and there.

I just started crying and asked her if she would love me even if I ended up marring a boy. She totally lost composure and started crying and telling me that she just wanted us to be together in the Celestial Kingdom. My dad walked in at about this point and took control. 

I whole-heartedly love my father. That's not common from what I see of the gay community. I honestly love him though. He said some beautiful things to me. He told me that he wanted me to he happy, successful, and loved in this life. He also wanted me to know that he would never turn his back on me. There were other concerns that arose and we had to sort those out, but over all it went well. They are afraid that I'm too young, or that I've rushed into this decision, but they don't realize that I've had 19 years to obsess over every possible question associated with this. it may take a while for this decision to settle in with them, but its a huge relief to just have it out on the table :) I like being authentic.

Who I Am

My name is Jim. Well, not really. I'll use this as my pseudo name for a while though. Its not that I'm not ashamed of being gay; not anymore. The fake name is really just to protect my family, but once I'm fully out to all of them (hopefully by the end of March :) I'll be totally genuine and authentic on this blog. 

I've been out of the closet for about 9 months, and although the prospect of being gay never made me sad, the idea of not being a "normal" Mormon hurt me deeply. 

I was told that I wouldn't be able to serve a mission even though I knew the church was true, because I was a risk to the church. I was also told that I am unnatural because of the way I love.  These things have brought more pain into my life than any aspect of the gay lifestyle.

My dad, who was my bishop at the time, set me up with a "change" therapy counselor. I thought that I was going to become straight. I got really excited that one day I would actually WANT to have sex with a girl. I would get to marry in the temple, have children, have a 9 to 5  job and be normal. 

It was a huge let down and a waste of thousands of dollars. But now that part of life is behind me and I get to be happy. 

I'm still gay. I'm ok with that. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I have a testimony of it. Maybe that is contradictory, but I don't feel like it is. I feel like my father in heaven loves me still. I know that Christ understands where I'm coming from has compassion for me. I trust in him. Everything is going to be alright. I accept myself for who I am.