Who I Am

My name is Jim. Well, not really. I'll use this as my pseudo name for a while though. Its not that I'm not ashamed of being gay; not anymore. The fake name is really just to protect my family, but once I'm fully out to all of them (hopefully by the end of March :) I'll be totally genuine and authentic on this blog. 

I've been out of the closet for about 9 months, and although the prospect of being gay never made me sad, the idea of not being a "normal" Mormon hurt me deeply. 

I was told that I wouldn't be able to serve a mission even though I knew the church was true, because I was a risk to the church. I was also told that I am unnatural because of the way I love.  These things have brought more pain into my life than any aspect of the gay lifestyle.

My dad, who was my bishop at the time, set me up with a "change" therapy counselor. I thought that I was going to become straight. I got really excited that one day I would actually WANT to have sex with a girl. I would get to marry in the temple, have children, have a 9 to 5  job and be normal. 

It was a huge let down and a waste of thousands of dollars. But now that part of life is behind me and I get to be happy. 

I'm still gay. I'm ok with that. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I have a testimony of it. Maybe that is contradictory, but I don't feel like it is. I feel like my father in heaven loves me still. I know that Christ understands where I'm coming from has compassion for me. I trust in him. Everything is going to be alright. I accept myself for who I am.